justkeepfighting's Blog

So i have been suffering with depression, anxiety and paranoia for 6 years... 

I have started to self harm again and am re-addicted, i am back on slight overdosing to cause myself internal damage, I cant eat without my stomach rejecting it... Yet i continue to keep eating and eating resulting in a massive sick and sometimes bloody mess. 

I am on the path of self destruction and things are only getting worse. the overdoses become more, the self harming gets more and a Little worse each time. I am trying to eat normally but end up starving myself to rest my stomach before cramming my face with food. Sometimes it works... 

I cant afford to lose anymore weight. I lost 2 pounds last week. I have fought so hard to get myself from 130 to 140 and now I'm going back down. I hate myself and everything about me and my pathetic life.

My self hate is high and my suicidal thoughts and urges are pretty constant. 

I dropped out of college on Monday, as i was failing and had the chance to redo it in September... But now i do nothing but counselling and sit online... I don't want to go out. and i don't want to live like his anymore. I hate it! I hate it so bad!

I have counselling today... I'm not looking forward to it... But i have to go and try my best.

I hate this... 

Blah...